i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
