Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
