You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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