I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
