So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
