If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
