Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
