so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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