her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
