i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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