That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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