I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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