if only i could text you this smell
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
