Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
