i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
