so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
