first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
