he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
