I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
