you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
