hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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