i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what day is it and did you see me today?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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