Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
