do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
