bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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