I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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