I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
love makes seman taste better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
