I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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