he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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