you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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