Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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