Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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