At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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