Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
