guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize