i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
