P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
