fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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