somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
