i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
