she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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