final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
