for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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