he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
