I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
