You're so nebulous sometimes
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
