I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
