This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.