dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.