last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.