I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
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I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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