Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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