I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
