The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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