conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
