is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
