he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
