They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
