I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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