I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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