pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
