Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they're like a gay fantastic four
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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