btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
