i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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