well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
