hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
