The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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