We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
