god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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