its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
