I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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