Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Rumble strips road head = magical
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
