You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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