They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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