Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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