Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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