thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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