If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am mentally ready for anal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
