The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
